Wednesday, September 28, 2011

This here garden ain't big enough for the both of us.

Open on orchestra playing theme from "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly'

This here garden ain't big enough for the both of us.
Flea-bitten vagrants like you aren't welcome here in the 'Cliffs (That's Briarcliff Manor for you slowpoke cowpokes.)

Fella, you look like you got a short supply of guts. But yer carapace is pretty thick. So why don't you just hop on outta here 'fore someone gets hurt.
This is my land; I settled here, raised my family here, and dad gum it, I'm probably gonna die here, and no bushwackin', hornswagglin' croaker is gonna ruin that for me.

(cue the vultures... and the hummingbirds)

Well, then it's a standoff. So let's settle this
(Jeez...Lately it seems that every ticked-off garden punk would hop, fly, crawl or slither into town to stare me down.)

20 paces them I'm gonna start shootin'

1...2...3...4...5...6... (CLICK)

Hey, you said 20...yer a cheat and a liar

Nope. I'm a photographer

Oh yeah, well I'll be back. I'm needed elsewhere now. Wherever outlaw gardeners rule the backyard, wherever innocent ladybugs and damsel flys are afraid to for their very lives, wherever a beetle cannot live in simple dignity, wherever an aphid cries out for justice. And I'm bringing my kinfolk for reinforcements (Note my clever use of foreshadowing.)

Fine. Now hop on Outta here 'fore I sic Stella on yer sorry green ass.

Cue the tumbleweeds (arg...damn weeds!!!)

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